Less Money...Same Problems

I don't know what they want
     from me
           its like
               the more money we come across
                    the more problems we see.

So now that I have a job, It sucks. The job doesnt suck; i happen to actually like my job, but getting there with out a car does.
     and so does not living there within walking distance.
and having a crappy bus system that would make you either 2 hours late or 5 hours early for a call in shift.

fml.

The fam is gone but a car did stay; however, thanks to my mom's brilliant ideas (they are almost never completely brilliant) in order to prepare me for new york she wants me to get used to not being chauferred everywhere. The difference is, that it's 

a.) Arizona
b.) More than 100 degrees outside
c.) I work 20 mins away by car and 105 mins by bus (that's express!) and i can't use the light rail
d.) my mall (and general area) is known for its gang population.
e.) because of reasons a b and c no one takes the bus in AZ save for hobos and generally unsafe people. I also wouldn't have a way home because I get off at 2 am. (I was supposed to close this weekend.) bus service at my mall is 24 hours; bus service by my house stops at 10pm because we're so residential.

mom doesn't think these things all the way through sometimes.

s.m.h.

FINA11Y!

And I will retire with the crown, Yes!
 No I’m not lucky I’m blessed, Yes!
   Clap for the heavyweight champ, Me!
    But I couldn’t do it all alone, We!
     this night just reminds me
Of everything that they deprived me of, kuhh!
Ppppp put ya drinks up, it’s a celebration every time we link up
We done did everything they can think of
Greatness is what we on the brink of.

I wish that I could have this moment for life.

so. its been awhile. but it's been crazy and i come bearing pictures to liven it up;
so methinks we're even.

The last few days of my highschool career have been absolutely surreal.
i seriously cannot believe i'm done! I'm going to miss my friends so much. i think thats what really made my time at higley so special. that and drama.

I keep trying to think of words to describe it. hell, even to describe graduation but it's just not working. i wasn't happy or sad, i didn't even pay attention. I was too busy doing boob adjustments. I had way too much crap. but it was pretty crap if that makes it better.

I am posting pictures of my last day of highschool.

or last day of childhood?

you decide.

now that i have an awesome job i have some new awesome friends and she asks me:
 "how does it feel to be an adult?" after about a minute of "ah...ehhh...geez...i...guess?" and finally coming out with

"I don't know i guess it..."

 "Just hasn't hit you yet?"

"YEAH! i don't think it'll hit me until im on the plane."

"It'll never hit you."


























...and then it kinda did.

NO SLEEP

Get no sleep, no sleep.
Get no sleep, no sleep.
Get no sleep, no sleep.
Get no sleep, no sleep.

I just keep on counting sheep,
twist and turn all night,
I just can not go to sleep because,
you are on my mind.

Sorry, I am so confused,
I know you must be too,
I have felt the same way yesterday,
so tell me what to do,
did the same the day before,
hey, what a deja vu,
How am I gonna sleep?


So lots of stuff happened. Good stuff, bad stuff, stuff more suited for tomorrow's post.
But for now, I cannot go to sleep. I'm too excited! But I have to work tomorrow, so I guess I have to try :/ wish me well!

Cause I can not go to sleep!

Orange Skies

"I had a dream

I stood beneath an orange sky

With my brother standing by

With my brother standing by

I said brother, you know you know

It's a long road we've been walking on  "

So here in AZ there are really only 2 seasons. Summer and Winter. There's only three days of "in between" weather, and before you know it your skin is burned or you can see your breath in front of your face.

and senioritis is a plague with no boundaries that has hit me and my friends like a suckerpunch. which is why I wore slippers to school today. (in my offense it was only a two hour day, and as soon as i arrived to my resident couch the slippers would have become situationally appropriate so i said "screw it" and rocked my dingy multicolored striped slippers in the school courtyard. blatantly disrespecting dress code. {FYI, I'm kind of a bad ass.})

So I'm chillin in all my classes with the added malaise of sinus infection (because I am a magnet for infectious disease, apparently: sick for the third time in a month!)
and while doing said chilling I was talking to my friend who is going to BU. and the more i talked to him the more i got excited for college. It was kind of different talking to someone who was ostensibly making the same choice I was: going really far away from his family. I was internally excited for school, but talking to my friend allowed me to be outwardly excited, which seemed to be what he needed too. as we kept talking we talked too fast and ran over each other with words. and we decided since BU was only 3 hours away by AMTRAK that we would visit alot. we're the only two kids in our class going to the east coast for college.

It was nice to have a rope to tether me home in a pinch if I need to. (his dad also works for southwest airlines, so free tickets home!)

overall, it was a good day. and judging by the orange sky outside, it's not over yet. :)

more news and  posts (with pictures!) are coming soon. (although I'm sure i'm the only person who reads these.....comment and prove me wrong!)

Song Of Forgetting

DAN 

You don't remember any of this?

DIANA 

I should, right?

So after being admitted to the Best School Ever under Early Decision for awhile; the school finally sends me an email acknowledging the 500 dollar deposit (isn't that nice? half of a paycheck and only now do they say "OH! b-t-dubs thanks for half of your paycheck. I know you could've used that to pay rent or food or utilities but you gave it to us. that's sweet you guys. :)")   but they also left this ominous reminder:

"First, you should have withdrawn any and all other college and university applications you may have submitted and you should have withdrawn any other offers of admission you may have received.  If you have not yet done so, you must withdraw all other applications and notify any college or university that has admitted you, that you will not be attending and that you will be attending NYU instead.  This action must be taken immediately.  You should be aware that we take the Early Decision Agreement you signed very seriously.  Sadly, each year, a few students do not follow the spirit of the Early Decision Agreement and we are forced to revoke their admission when we learn that they have not withdrawn other applications or offers of admission."

which of course sent me into panic.

so just a few minutes ago I canceled admission to ASU and UoA both were my back up schools but since i got into the best school ever have become unneccesary but me (ever the pessimist) told ASU that I plan on enrolling in the future. 'cause you never know. 

I've also forgotten to register for my AP test so....I gotta get on that. 

i also have approximately 1 hundred hw assignments to finish so....BYE!

Replacement Girls

 (ladies make some noise if you wanna be my replacement)

so I've finally confirmed my decision to attend the best school ever. (yay!yay!yay!)
but now i feel like an outcast already. (boo!boo!boo!)
:(
     Now the most awesomest school isn't exactly known for its community and i kind of like that. Its not like UM or USC where the biggest thing is football and sports (aka like highschool). Infact the biggest thing at my school is acting. very artsy-fartsy. which i love (because I am artsy; and given the situation or proper bean burrito i can be fartsy) ; but people who are used to being outcasts and that are admittedly wierd do not usually make for good open-arms communities. I should know. I am apart of my local artsy-fartsies and although i am inviting most of my counter parts are not. Unless you are artsy you are not likely to be welcome. and since i couldnt apply for the acting school at the awesomest school ever{ :( } I am technically no longer apartsies of the artsies. So when i get to said school i'm joining every performing arts club available to me. and i also hope  that some of the shows will be open auditions (which I highly doubt there will be). but this is a only a little of what this post touches on.

     Roomies. What an uncomfortable situation. Not only does awesome school allow you to pick your own roomate (which is awesome if you have say a friend or acquaintance, but sucks if you're all alone *raises hand really high*) so my classes' facebook page is a free for all.
      "anybody need a roomate?"       "Looking for a roomate!"      "Hey we need another dude to complete our suite!"      "Any jewish girls need a roomate?"
     Oh yeah. they were kind of race specific. "Jewish? Asian? Jewish Asian?" those seem to be the most popular races. i even put up an ad of my own:

"Me: 18 BlkF, awesome
You: 18 F, also yet not as awesome as me (or we can be equal; your choice)

Let's be roomates in H***** :) hopefully, i mean. lol"

 

even though there were plenty of other adverts asking the same thing (in a much less funny and creative way) they had gotten at least 3 responses. all i got was a like. someone who likes my style but may not be interested in what i'm selling. (which is in a wierd way, me.) nobody my be interested in me. which makes me unhappy. and thats where i'm at. trying to charm people i don't know into a room with me. this must be what prostitutes feel like. hmmm. maybes if i added cookies to said room......

Make Up Your Mind

 (this is clarity)

So i went to the ostrich festival yesterday with some of my friends and a new one that i had met before but never really had a talk with and we talked. while at said festival there were the customary hecklers for the carnival games and we began talking about jobs where its your job to be annoying to others.and then i brought up the walmart greeters. and (unless you live in a really big city) they say "Hello! Welcome to Walmart!" and they give you a smiley face sticker :) but we ended up talking about when we were little they were enthusiastic and they didn't even ask if you wanted a sticker but now in 2011 they only say hi if you look at them and you have to ask for a sticker. and it made me think. so i told michael (cause that's my friend's name)
      "Michael...you know you being 20 and me being 18 were considered to be young by todays' standards but its weird to think how much has changed since we were little."
      "Yeah...."
And really a lot has changed in the world since 1993. Its just mind blowing to think about it.
      Here i am on the precipice of my senior year of highschool and i don't believe it. i'm about to move on the other side of the country too, which kind of scares me. only because when no one's there to watch how i live my life; who am i? for my whole life i've been contained in this box. "NO Kylah, you can't hang out with these people...NO Kylah, you CAN'T wear that.....etc." I've had no control of who was in my life or who was out of it or where i went or when i slept or ate and now my life is about to be an empty space. and i'm really deciding if i can handle that. I guess i'll be deciding for the next 6 years of my life if i can. without anybody but God's help.